Controlling Jealousy - Why It Is Important

Jealousy is commonly found in relationships. But although it is common, controlling jealousy is vital. Facts show that excessive degree of jealousy can kill every relationship, even the most promising one. Why? Because jealousy, when it has overwhelmed the you, can make you into one that always thinks very negatively, one that always puts the worst spin on everything that happens between the two of you.

For example, instead of thinking that his cellphone is out of power when you can not reach him, you may think that he turned it off intentionally because he is still with another woman. Or, instead of thinking that a traffic jam had made him unable to come home as early as he used to be, you may think that he spent his time with a beautiful chick in a bar.

Indeed, it is not for nothing people call green-eyed monster for jealousy. You have to control it, tightly, before it becomes detrimental to your life and relationship.

We often see how an overly-jealous person behave very annoyingly. Without you even aware of it, you can be very harsh and interrogative to your partner if jealousy has overwhelmed your whole being.

Over-jealousy can also make you into an irritating peeper. It can make you pry on his wallet or sniffing his shirts abruptly. It can even turn you into you an amateur stalker that makes you act very ridiculously. And worse than that, it can also shape you into a very controlling person if you don't deal with your jealousy correctly.

Just like every other jealous person, you may feel that you have the rights to all do that - even though there is no slightest indication that supports your suspicion. You just feel that your jealousy is right, while in fact it is totally baseless. (That's only one the many other reasons of why controlling jealousy is crucial, and you must do that before it turns into the dreaded green-eyed monster).

Before you decide to continue treating your partner as a red-handed thief, read this: behaving like that will only make him create more distance to you. Instead of ensuring your partner's company, you will make him more and more uncomfortable with you, or even feel threatened. Everyone has his limits. If you don't stop behaving likie that, soon enough he will leave you if he feels that it is the only thing he can do free himself from your control and to regain his independence.

So, if you find yourself always feel suspicious and jealous even though there is no base for it, then stop a while and reflect. Controlling jealousy needs you to first acknowledge your own problems.

The root of jealousy is always fear. You are jealous because you are afraid. You are afraid of losing your partner's feeling and affection. That's what behind your controlling behavior. By controlling, subconsciously you wrongly assume that you will be able to force him to stay with you and stopping him from seeing other women.

But realities dictate the opposite: it is usually the controlling behavior that makes their partners cheat. It is natural reaction. The more you try to control your partner, the more he will distant himself from you, and the more he will conceal things from you! That's what always happen when you are trying to control. And it is the normal pattern found among people when they are dealing with someone that they feel is trying to control or take over their independence.

This then will be like a vicious cycle: the more he hides things from you, the more controlling you will be in your effort to ensure his loyalty. And in turn, this will result in him being even more secretive. If you don't break this vicious cycle by controlling jealousy, you'll end up finding that your relationship has deteriorated to the extent that it can no longer be repairable.

Keep this in mind: over-jealousy will bring you nowhere. It will only bring damage to your precious relationship. You must deal with its root instead of accusing him and put all the blames to him. The root of jealousy is always fear. And the cause of that kind of fear is usually low self-esteem and bad self-image.

So, never take it lightly. Save your relationship before it is too late. Overcome your jealousy, right now, before it can do too much damage to your invaluable relationship. But deal with your low self-esteem and bad self-image first. After that, you will no longer have problem to control your jealousy.